It's amazing how much our jobs define who we think we are as a person. Since I lost my job, I feel like I've been thrust out into the open and told to fend for myself. When I apply for other jobs, I sit and think, this isn't me.....why am I even trying to go here. For me, everything is permanent. This was my first job. All I've known for 8 or so years. What I've done my entire life. When I look at new potential jobs, such as Target or Starbucks, I don't see forever.

I understand it is temporary and until I find something more fitting, something more permanent, I still need something that's going to help me make a living. But I just can't get my mind set around it. I'm an EMT. I'm not a sales assistant, a barista or even a waitress. That's not who I am. That's not what I'm supposed to do.

What I do know is that if I wasn't fired......I probably would have never left. A part of me is happy that it happened this way, but a part of me is very mad, angry and resentful of the people who put me in this position. A position that basically sabotages any attempt I make at moving on before I make it. To be honest it pisses me off and I constantly keep telling people I'm ok, but on the inside I believe I'm not.

I stuck in this endless loop and I see no way out.